friendship

"a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature"

A true emersonian friend is a lot of things. They have many characteristics such as compassion, understanding, being able to listen, patience, love, truthfulness, and the list goes on and on.

In trying to be an emersonian friend, I attempted to be the kind of friend who is there to just sit with you and not say anything when thats all that is really needed.

Sitting next to my friend just letting her think, I knew it was exactly what she needed (which worked out well for me considering it tied in with this blog). This action was as if I gave her alone time, yet by physically being there, she knew that I would be there to listen when she needed it, and was a comforting silence.

I had to be patient in this experiment. Though I may have been yearning to know what was going through her head, I had to be reserved and calm, knowing that when the time was right, the friend would be ready to talk.

When the time came that my friend was ready to talk, I had to listen, and furthermore listen attentively. No one likes having people not pay them full attention. It is our human nature to want to be listened to, however not all people possess this quality. Some are able to listen then offer their opinion on the subject. You know a true friend if they will do this despite the reaction they know it may solicit. If you are sure someone is your true friend, you should be willing to risk upsetting them by saying something. Though temporarily this person may feel hurt, shut out, or misunderstood, when they ultimately realize that you are their true friend, and said your opinion on the subject because you truly care about them, it will strengthen the friendship, and allow them to see who their true friends are.

A true friend does not always agree or conform to what their group's ideals are. A true friend maintains their individuality, and it is their unique traits and mannerisms that make a friendship as strong as it is.

Think about it. Your relationship with your best friend is so strong because of the random inside jokes you have together isn't it? Though a friendship needs to be built on a strong foundation, it is the little things that set everything perfectly in place.








Photo Credits (from Flickr):
1. Spill-Cardiff - Dr Karanka
2. Wall of Peace - Jeff Bauche._..'-)

nature

"to the dull mind, all nature is leaden. to the illuminated mind, the whole world sparkles with light"

Nature is the world void of material wealth, human beings, civilization and societal pressure. Nature is an escape, a place to which one's mind can truly wander, and think openly. It is in nature that we are most openly ourselves for it is only nature that can break down the barrier we have built to hide from society our innermost desires and thoughts.

'Experience nature.'

Nature isn't exactly the concrete sidewalk or the endless swerving roads in my neighborhood, but the more I think about it, the less I feel as though to experience nature I need to be there directly. Not to say that one can truly experience nature sitting in front of a computer with a cell phone barely an arm's length away, and a television not much farther, but why not attempt to do so.

Riding myself of all distractions aside from the soft whirring of a computer playing Debussy's Clair de Lune, I let my mind wander and allowed the barrier to be broken. The melody brought me back to my nature experience. After all, there is a rhythm in nature, you just need to listen closely to find it.

In my mind, it was no longer the fall, but rather a hot, muggy August afternoon in a suburb of Detroit. I had woken that morning to find sunlight penetrating the room. The glass wall, not to mention, the reflection of the light off the jeweled blue lake, let the light shine in from all angles.

Surprised I was able to sleep so late with the light nearly blinding me, I made my way downstairs, stumbling over my cousin's toys scattered across the stairway. After breakfast, we had made our way out to the lake, and it was just like any normal summer day.


Why the melody reminded me of this particular experience I do not know, but I remember that day being one in which I was so carefree. I remember clearly that my brother had arrived in town a few days prior for another cousin's wedding and came to spend the day with us. It would be my last day staying over there for we were due to return home in time to get ready for the new school year.

That day was the culmination of the summer yet it was no different than any other day.

We woke up. Had a hearty breakfast. Went outside. Hung out for awhile. Then when the weather got really nice, got out the jet skis and boats, and spent the rest of the day on the lake.

Being out on the lake was like nothing else. Laying stomach down on an inner tube, being dragged along at speeds you don't want to imagine with the sun shining down on your back and people you truly care for cheering you on while secretly hoping you'll wipe out really badly so they can have a good laugh. None of us had to put up a facade, and the walls we had built up had been torn down with every meal we'd eaten together over the course of that summer, the movies we'd watched, the laughs we'd shared, the wipe outs, and the times we were together just to stare out at the lake in awe of all the beauty that surrounded us.

The ending of the song brought me out of my trance.

iTunes shuffle could not have more appropriately chosen a song.

Footloose and Fancy Free by Camera Obscura
Buy me an advent calendar
It seems the thought of days without you make me sadder
Don’t visit me now you make me want to do myself in
I’ll see you sometime but I won’t see you soon

I know something’s about you
I won’t spill the beans
There’s a spool in my own camera that’s never been seen
I could write it all down but it won’t be enough

I want you to be happy with someone to love
It won’t be me
It won’t be you
Pretty soon we’ll agree to be free
Footloose and fancy free

The songs lyrics were a perfect way to summarize the day.

I didn't want the summer to be over. The idea of changing the routine I had grown so accustomed to was beyond my comprehension. I knew that at some point the summer had to end, but it was so nice to just escape from everything, and spend my days meandering around a grassy opening, or burying my toes the warm sand. I would even miss wiping out so horribly that I would feel the burn of where my body hit the water. Words couldn't do the summer justice, nor could a picture. Though it was (initially) a noble attempt, at best, to keep a journal chronicalling my summer, after the first two days, I all but forgot about it. Pictures were taken of us goofing around, but somehow the thing that meant the most to us was when we gave each other a certain look, or a few silly words that would have us all rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. The most important thing about that summer was the bond that grew between us, and going back to school, and to our friends meant the walls would have to be rebuilt, and emotions would be guarded once again. Being together that summer, we were just as the song states,

footloose and fancy free

Photo Credits (from Flickr):
1. flower (cosmos) - thezephyrsong_tzs
2. Lake St. Peter HDR [2] - Rick Harris

gifts

"the greatest gift is a portion of thyself"

A gift is an offering of one's self to another person. A gift should not be about material wealth, or the thanks received, but rather the act should speak for itself. It is given voluntarily, without payment expected in return.


Gifts should be given because of a desire to do so, not an expectation. Though society pressures us to give gifts on birthdays, or for Christmas, or a major event like graduation, the most meaningful gifts are given for no pre-set reason. These gifts weigh more in our hearts for the recipient of the gift sees the importance they hold in the giver's heart. Though you may receive many birthday gifts that make you happy, an out of the blue gift from a true friend will probably mean more for it shows the love in their heart for you, the recipient.

Gifts should be received without expectation. It is better to be open-minded when it comes to receiving a gift because one does not want to have high expectations and then be disappointed. Not only would that be a disappointment for the recipient but also for the gift giver who receives satisfaction from knowing that the gift is well received. Though Emerson believes we should not give gifts in order to be satisfied by the recipient's reaction, it is a natural reaction. A gift should also be received truthfully. It is better to display your true emotion upon receiving the gift than trying to mask those in order to please the gift giver.

There is no one tangible gift that I could ever say is the best gift I've ever received or given, rather a grouping of all the gifts spontaneously given to me for the sake of the gift (or vice versa if I was the giver). No payment or thank you should be expected in return, but it is a nice gesture to say a simple thank you at the very least, and the gift should be a portrayal of both the recipient and the gift giver. Rather than being the handiwork of someone else, a gift you are to give to someone should be something that resonates within your heart and one that you know will warm the recipient's heart as well.

"remember the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends" -anonymous





photo credit
1. http://www.aamconsulting.com/img/right-img-giving.jpg

self-reliance

"what i must do, is all that concerns me, not what people think"
-ralph waldo emerson

Ignoring the notion of 'living up to standards', or 'being a part of the crowd, in this quote, Emerson states that it is more important to be true to one's own ideals, and rely on your own heart to lead to. By ignoring the wishes of your own heart, and conforming, one will be led astray in all aspects of life, from mundane details to defining actions.

"a red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. it would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses" -oscar wilde

Conformity is defined as an action in accordance with prevailing social standards, attitudes, practices, etc...

As humans, do we want to conform? In accordance with nature, are we meant to stand out or fit in? We have an instinctive need to be accepted, and belong to a group. By conforming, we are signaling to the group that we are one and the same, and we will obey the group's rules, hereby declaring to the group that we are not to be taken as a threat. By conforming, we gain the trust of the group.

Is it all worth it, though?

Slowly losing pieces of yourself all to be accepted.

"to be great is to be misunderstood" -ralph waldo emerson

Individuality is defined as the trait or set of traits that distinguishes one person or thing from others.

By depending solely on one's one self, the need to conform is lessened. In order to be an individual, one needs to be able to stand alone and resist societal pressures.
Though the pressure to integrate with all of society may be great, the pressure is stand alone is greater. It takes inner strength and courage to be able to stand up for your beliefs and ideals despite the fact that to many, they may be considered "wrong".

Being an individual shows strength of character.

"be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are" - dale carnegie

Rather than trying to conform, one should maintain their individuality. Though being part of a group is a good thing, it is not necessary to always sacrifice everything that makes you you.

Reputation is what others think of you, while character is what you know yourself to be.

Rather than succumbing to societal pressures, maintain the traits that define you, and let friends influence, if anything, only the small things in life.

Photo Credits (from Flickr):
1. Consume Conform Obey - eddiemalone
2. screaming maria - kalandras
3. maids, harajuku - photius drakos